I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
