I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
When are your genitals available?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
