A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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