high people should be assigned attendants
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
