where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
