Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
