I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
