i need an iv and a liver transplant
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
