i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
