Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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