In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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