Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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