took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
