So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
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You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
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Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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