I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
