Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
