Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
