Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
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just found out that she named her cat after me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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