Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
it's not cheating when I paid for it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
