Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
