Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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