Your face is a jimmy john
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
