boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
