I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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