Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
