I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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