Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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