He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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