if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
