I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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