i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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