You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
