HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
