Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's shark week go big or go home
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
