My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.