i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
