Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
