If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
