Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
