Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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