I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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