at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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