so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
