new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
