could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
