I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
