At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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