you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
