why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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