It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.