True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
