At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
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There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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