I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
