Where is the hickey?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
