how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
