Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
