All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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