I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
