Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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