drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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