He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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