I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
