So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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