Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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