I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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