Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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