Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize