sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
