just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
