do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
