Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
